Why parents talking about marriages is more painful than stepping on a lego!

An embarrassingly strained marriage talk.

This was not the first time they brought up this conversation but have always left some small little crumbs of ideas since we passed the eligibility age.

I assume that happens with everyone. Isn’t it? If not, please don’t bring up this conversation as thinking otherwise keeps me calm. Keeps me calm by thinking that its a normal thing and happens at every home. We are no different!

As per my assumption, my parents and relatives talk about my or my brother’s marriage behind our back (as every Indian family, mine is no different). However, some days back my grandfather (I call him Dad- the eldest in the family) talked to me directly about it. Do you know what does that means? Well, it means that they are serious to get me hitched and the time is near.

Do I seem to compare it to being dead? I am sorry. Like death, the experience of marriage is also uncertain. I hope my future husband doesn’t ever read this post, he might not love me anymore :D

But for some reason, it gives me stress.

Out of all, one thing that I am not able to comprehend is that in Indian society, I mean, especially in Indian society, why is there an age to settle down in life, get married, have kids, or for instance, retire?

Rather, it should be as natural as death.

Another important question that boggles my mind is that who decides that age? What constitutes a society? Do we call our neighbors and relatives — a society? We curse them sometimes but aren’t we, also, a part of that society only? All these questions bother me and I roll my eyes each and every time I come across such discussions.

To be frank, there is no one perfect answer to these. Clearly, everyone has vague answers that just don’t seem to satisfy (at least me).

So, some days back in the morning, I was peacefully reading a book when dad came to my room and sat down with me. There was silence for a few seconds. (The calmness before the storm, as I‘d like to call it).

The vibes felt something different as he never comes to my room until or unless he has something extremely urgent. Without giving it much thought, I took a glance at him and got back to my reading again. After a few seconds, he cleared his throat and started talking to me about society, its norms and things related to that.

‘‘hmm…society!’’ I thought. ‘’That’s the topic of the day because we need to talk about something during this lockdown, right?’’

Generally, he talks to us about his days in Russia, flaunts his geographical expertise, shares opinions on current news, tells us about semantics, grammar, the wrong usage of English words and such things.

I thought, “Okay, Dad! For a change! Let’s talk about society. No problem.”

(Who knew it’s on the way :D )

So, basically, by talking about society, he was setting up a base and eventually coming to the main topic. At the same time, I could not help but stare at the wall, making some sense of what he was actually saying.

He said,’’ I am waiting for you to make a decision about marriage so that we can start looking for someone for you’’.

Of course, it gave me the chills, and I had nothing to say. So, I kept quiet and absorbed each and every word he was saying.

He further said in his hushed voice, ‘Social security is a must and marriage is a necessary evil. You see, it is evil but necessary.’’

I was speechless! I didn’t even make ‘hmm’, ‘okay’ or ‘ahan’ sounds that I generally make to fill the gaps in other person’s sentences.

I was listening carefully, I didn't just want to remember the gist of the conversation but to get a hang on his each and every word. Maybe, to ruminate them afterward. To be frank, I was apparently numb and couldn’t think of any answer clearly.

Hey! please don’t judge me here. This was my first interaction with him on this life-changing topic. Its something big, okay.

So, he further said, ‘’We don’t really care about the caste but the family should be genuine and good, I just wanted to bring that to your notice. So, think about it now rather than hurrying later.’’

Guys, Have you ever stepped on a lego? Lego! Those small plastic bricks that kids play with. Anyone who has ever stepped on one of those tiny plastic bricks will never forget the almost inexplicable pain. This conversation felt like that pain.

Anyway, he just calmly put forward his thoughts and went back to his room.

The good thing? He didn’t ask for any answer.

The bad thing? He would want it in the future. Well, not just him but society, meet you later neighbours and relatives :) As of now? Please go back to your homes, the circus is over for a while.

Anyway, any communication is incomplete without feedback. So, after thoroughly revising my answers in my mind, I went up to him to talk and lessen his ‘stress’. I told him about my progressing career, my future plans that are necessary to fulfill before marriage. It worked out well, you see. Communication is the key.

From this instance, suddenly I remember that I used to stay in a flat years ago. I could hear all of my landlord’s conversations with his family happening on the lower floor.

One day, I heard a female frustratingly crying and some other voices asking her about something.

She was sobbing and saying something like, ‘’I don’t want to marry because I am not ready yet!’’

Parents asking, ‘‘Why is that so? What do you have to do now, that you are not ready?’’.

After a pause, they continue,‘‘ You are done with your education, you have a job. Now, what next? You must get married now. Its the ‘right time’.’’

She says in a soft feeble voice, “I am not sure but give me some time, I don’t want to hurry about it”.

She was absolutely not in a state to pull herself together.

Not even taking a fraction of a second, they curiously ask, “ How much time, exactly?”

I could figure out that they are trying to come to the conclusion that as much as she doesn’t want to do it, she would have to bite the bullet.

I am not sure who said what to whom further. I was simply disinterested. I just knew that she was stressed and was not ready for this big event that would change her life forever. Isn’t that all they should have heard? This seems to be a common interaction between girls and their parents in Indian society.

Just to clarify, I don’t hate this institution called marriage. After all, what’s the best thing other than spending your life with your favourite person or your best friend. But it should certainly be done when a person is ready to take the responsibilities, rather than forcing them for it (just because they are supposed to at any age).

However, thankfully, I have got comparatively an open-minded family who never forced us, siblings, to choose a particular field as a profession, or never stopped us from moving out in another city to study. Even during this conversation, they are quite humble. Dad accepted everything I had to say. I knew that he would understand it.

As of now, I have given this thought a rest. We’ll cross the bridge when we come to it. Let’s focus on frying the bigger fishes right now. Ok, bye!